A few years back, I had what I can only describe as a kind of “spiritual awakening;” but it wasn’t the beautiful, enlightening sensation I had always expected if something like awakening ever happened to me. Rather than floating around in bliss, gratitude and love, I was hurting on all levels – mind, body and spirit. I experienced an almost constant “brain fog” which limited my focus and frustrated me. My left shoulder ached to the point it felt like my arm would fall off. I had almost constant headaches. I felt completely emotionally compartmentalized and trapped in my life. I believed that I could never dare to reveal my whole, integrated self. Rather, it was safer and more strategic to share only the aspects of myself I felt others would find acceptable. What hurt the most was that for the first time in my life, I was keenly aware that life as I knew it had to be OVER. I needed to change or die; the immaculate life I’d built to satisfy the rules of society was literally killing me. I’d been taught to “tough it out,” but I realized that this was not a time for my usual tenacity, but a time for deep surrender and conscious change.

“There is no coming to consciousness without pain.” -Carl Jung

At this time, I started channeling Michael quite a bit and the collective patiently explained to me, “As with all human beings, the pain you have been experiencing has always been an invitation to change. Now that your pain is acute, you have a heightened awareness that your soul is begging you to shift – yet you are terrified of what that means to you and to the system in which you exist. For years, you’ve identified more with pain than joy. If you make the changes that allow you to create authentic joy, you are afraid you will lose it all – including your family, your friends, your career and most of all, the identity you have worked so hard to build. All that is fear. All that is ego. All of this is what you are invited to release.”

“Awakening is uncomfortable because in that instant, you are aware that life can no longer be happy as you have been living it. That in fact, your own beliefs are holding you back from fulfilling the promise you made to your soul and to Spirit…to evolve. The spell is broken. The illusion dashed. Your only choice is to consciously change in order to honor and realize your soul more completely.” -Michael

At this point, I was completely overwhelmed. How could I possibly step into this? How could I begin to release my fear and my ego? Michael’s instruction on how to move forward was simple and in sharing it with you, I hope it may help you in your own series of awakenings. Michael said, “Start with paying attention to how you really feel versus how you should feel. Be mindful and assess if you are comfortable or uncomfortable in the moment. Locate how you really feel, then use those core, essential feelings to guide your next conscious decision – remembering that embedded in every conscious decision is both accountability and responsibility. Know that when you elevate your consciousness to the level required to create true inside-out happiness, you give others permission to do the same – for in your heart, you realize it takes quite a bit of courage to be happy.”

I began my happiness practice that day and have never looked back. Practice helped me realize just how fear-based I really was and made it clear that I needed to release all sorts of personal beliefs that where holding me back from joy. Practice showed me that change didn’t need to be so scary after all. Practice helped me understand that when I am unhappy, others around me pick up on my energy and are likely to be unhappy too. Practice illuminated the importance of authenticity and that my friend, Dr. Robert Holden, is so right when he says, “If there’s something missing in your life, it’s probably you.”

“Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.”  -Pablo Picasso

So my message is this, no matter how tempting is is to call an anesthetist and go back to “sleep,” try to embrace each and every awakening – because each is there to serve your higher good. Have no doubt that you are already gifted with all the infinite wisdom you need to step through every life lesson and go through the required changes with grace. Know that life is not a neat linear ascent – a big upward line along which you get to possess everyone and everything along the way; life imitates nature – working in a series of mystical cycles containing both release and gain. Release your fear and take comfort – for every awakening is ultimately about creating space for whatever is required next to allow us to more completely recognize the brilliance of our souls. We are part of a miraculous Universe that has imbued all of us with the divine courage and capability to evolve and be happy individually and collectively.